Sarah vs The Return
by Eizer
Summary: Agent Sarah Walker gets the one mission she didn't want, to return to the one person she was not ready to face again. But sometimes what we don't want, is the best thing that could happen.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N** So I decided to write myself a Chuck story. It's mostly AU. It's just something I wondered, what would have happened if? And what better way to find that out than to write a fanfic.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Chuck.

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><p><strong>The Marching Orders<strong>

The light was dimly lit in Langston Graham's office. It was just the way he liked it, even when there were agents there in the night time like this. He thought it added a certain atmosphere to the room. Something mysterious, like this was the place you didn't want to be. It added to his authority, just like his huge oak desk. He had admired a similar desk in his dad's office when he had become a manager. Now that he was director of the CIA he had tried to emulate some of that.

And so everything in the room had its purpose, the many books were there to enforce a feeling of superiority, just as the ever so slightly squeaking chair that was known as Graham's purgatory. No agent wanted to sit on it, and just as the agent that was sitting on it now, they all became less prideful and more willing to follow him if they sat there. It quite literally made them smaller, if only ever so slightly.

He couldn't help but smile a little when he looked upon the face that was opposite of him. He especially enjoyed the memory of recruiting her into the agency. He was sure she still hated him for it, but there was no denying her loyalty so far. It was why she was getting this assignment. There was no one else that could do this. Recent history has proven that much.

He opened one of the drawers in his desk and pulled out a huge file. Once he put it on the desk, he could see she was taken aback by how big the folder was. And too be fair, it was the biggest case file the agency had.

After he had put it on the desk he reached down again and pulled out a significantly smaller folder. He was curious to how she would respond to this one.

He slowly slid the folders over to her side.

"Your new assignment. You're leaving tonight" He said matter of factly.

She looked at the file and then back at him, before carefully opening the biggest folder. He could see the recognition in her face, which was already losing some of its color. He wasn't sure why, but darn did he enjoy seeing agents squirm.

"Is this…?" She started, as she opened the second one so fast that she almost threw it off the desk.

Now even the last bit of color was drained from her face. She looked up at him, and then back down to the folder, and then back up at him. Several times her mouth opened and closed again, while her hand ran past the chain that was around her neck. Clearly at a loss for words.

After a few minutes she spoke, with more venom than he had ever heard of her. "Is this some sort of sick joke Graham?" She spat at him.

"I've done everything you wanted, and now you want to send me back?" She seethed.

"Listen Walker." He started in a surprisingly calm yet forceful manner. "You are by far the best agent for the job. If our intel is right we need to get to the absolute bottom of this."

"I destroyed him Graham." She stated, now sounding more defeated than anything else.

"You're the only agent capable of completing this. Two agents have already failed to infiltrate, and we are in a hurry. With The Ring involved, whatever they're planning it's just a matter of time." He said.

He could see in her eyes that her resistance was broken. And he was glad for it. Not only was this a win, but he was genuinely worried about this. There was no telling what would happen if these guys were working with The Ring.

"What about back-up?" She questioned quietly.

"It's just you for now. Though if there is any indication that this is for real, there is no way we'll be able to keep the NSA out of this."

"Great" she muttered.

She looked at the file again. "There is no way this is legit Graham, I know him, he'd never work for guys like this."

"Maybe." He replied coolly, "but then again you haven't seen him for years. Who knows what has happened since"

He could see the doubt gaining control, so he knew he had to press on. "Sarah, we need to be sure. Go to him, find out if anything is going on, and we'll decide what to do next."

She contemplated his words for a second, gave a curt nod to her boss and rose to her feet. She started moving towards the door, but she didn't get very far before changing her mind. "I know he's innocent Graham." She stated with new found determination. "And I'm going to prove it."

He looked up into her eyes, and could see more fire burning in them than he had seen in years. Interesting, he mused to himself. Clearly a spy doesn't fall out of love either. Now we'll see what our deal is really worth.

"Let's hope you're right." He replied coolly, "for all of us."

X-x-x-x-x

Chuck Bartowski was finally almost back home. After a twelve hour work day he was dragging his feet back to his apartment. Past his sisters place, and the fountain that hardly ever seemed to work. But it wasn't something he relished doing, in fact he hated coming home. Because it meant coming home to an empty apartment.

Most people that looked at him thought he was a man that had everything. He was the owner of his own software company, he had great friends, and a great family. But what people never saw were moments like these. Flicking on the light switch was always like flicking on the light to the emptiness of his heart. He had everything, except for the one thing he really wanted.

More than once he would sit here in his favourite chair and wonder how his life would have looked if she had not left him. He'd wondered where they would have lived, if they would have had any kids by now, or if they would have gone to visit Paris like they had always discussed they would.

He heard a soft knock on the door.

"It's open." He called out. As he did he remembered how he used to jump up at every knock, thinking no more hoping that it would be her face that would creep around the corner. As the years passed the hope had dimmed, yet the pain he felt was still the same. Now he knew she was never coming back, but it still hurt the same.

The door opened and a familiar face appeared. "Bro, Ellie asked me to tell you we still have some dinner left over, so if you'd like you could come over."

"No thanks Awesome." He replied more tired than anything else. It were times like these that he was most annoyed by the endless bout of energy his brother-in-law had. There really was no time of day that this guy was not Awesome.

"You sure?" The blonde doctor continued just as cheerily as ever. "She made this amazing…"

"I'm sure Devon, but thanks."

"Come on Chuck, it would mean the world to Ellie. She hasn't seen you the last few days. She's kind of worried about you." He pressed on. And Chuck could see that he was worried as well. Though he was sure that was more to do with the other Bartowski than himself.

"How about dinner tomorrow? I'll make sure I'll be home at 7" He relented.

"Awesome!" Devon said, "Don't be late, your sister will probably kill you." He added as a final remark before he left the apartment.

Chuck let out a long sigh. Ever since he had quit the Buy More and had started his own company his sister had tried to look out for him. He loved her for it, but he really just wanted some alone time every now and then. And definitely not talk about the possible dates his sister had lined up for them. Not like he wanted or needed any help anyway. Just last week this one very persistent brunette had bothered him so long, that he had almost relented. Almost, because whenever he'd get close to any woman, a certain face would pop up in his head.

_I can't believe I still love her this much _he thought to himself.

He was contemplating going to bed as there was another knock on his door. Tiredly he called out again. But this time the face that was shown was slightly more hairy.

"Hey buddy" Chuck said as he stifled a yawn.

"Hey Chuck" His long time best friend started. "You won't believe what happened to me today." He continued in his enthusiasm.

Intrigued, Chuck decided to postpone his sleeping duties. Morgan's stories usually made him forget about everything, even if it was just for a little while.

X-x-x-x-x

The only noise that was filling the cab was of the blonde agent playing with her necklace. The metal was making rhythmic clinging noises as she fiddled with it. She needed something to distract her now that the cab was turning into the small private airport that was just a few miles outside of town. It was the same airport that she had used a number of times when she went on a mission. Usually she was perfectly calm when she arrived here, now she was a bundle of nerves. There was just no way this could turn out well for her.

Her stress had reached such a high level that she had hardly registered anything that had happened during the ride. She had barely registered anything the driver had said to her in the early stages of the drive there. She could barely remember that he had asked where she was going, and if she was going to visit family.

"Sort of" She had muttered. And after a few more failed attempts had decided to stay silent. And she was happy for it. She did not need any small talk. It was something that she never liked anyway, and it didn't help that her mind and emotions were all over the place. More than once had she thought that perhaps it would be best to tell Graham to shove this mission and head back home. But there was this weird sense of duty and hope that was driving her forward. She owed it to _him_ to be the one to examine the claims. If only she didn't need to see him.

"We're here" She heard the driver say. She handed him the money she owed him for the ride, and grabbed her bags. Took a few deep breaths, and walked up to the learjet that was ready and waiting for her. There really was no turning back now.

The pilot was waiting on her outside the aircraft. "Miss Walker?" He queried

She nodded silently, as she reached out her hand. Which he answered.

"Welcome. We'll be sure to get you to your destination before you know it Ma'am." He continued matter of factly.

"Great" She replied before making her way up the stairs. She walked into the plane, and settled herself into one of the seats. After securing the buckles, she gave the aircraft one last glance. _Time to face the music Walker. _She thought to herself.

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><p><strong>AN:  
><strong>So that was the first chapter of Sarah vs The Return. Like? Dislike? Feel free to let me know.


	2. Ch2: One of those days

**A/N: **_Hello fellow Chuckaholics. Or perhaps I should say nerds. After far too long, this story will continue. After a hectic personal year, I've returned to this fandom. I rediscovered my desire to write the last few weeks, along with rediscovering Chuck(btw those first two seasons really are amazing) And I remembered this story. So here is the second chapter for it. Perhaps good to mention, I have a lot of ideas for this one. Including some possible one shots to fill in the AU. I'm not going to give anything away. Not even how and where and when Chuck and Sarah met. Time will tell.  
>All right, hope you guys enjoy it, even if I am a little rusty. <em>

**Disclaimer:** _Sadly I don't own Chuck. But I do own my OC's. _

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><p><strong>Chapter 2: One of those days<strong>

The pit in her stomach was slowly becoming a huge chasm. With every page she read, the uneasy feeling she felt was growing. _What have you got yourself into? _She thought to herself, as she flipped yet another page. If any of this intel is right, if just one of these pages held any truth, he was in serious trouble. She wasn't sure how the CIA had gotten the info, or if any of it was true. No, that isn't right, she knew it wasn't true. There was no way he had done any of this. _Perhaps Graham is playing some kind of game. _She wondered quietly to herself. It wasn't something she would put past him. Perhaps he wanted to put her in her place, but for the life of her, she couldn't figure out why. Although… no that couldn't be it. But there had to be another explanation. Because this… this had to be garbage. It just had to be. Chuck, her Chuck, would never be capable of doing this.

Frustrated she threw the folder on the empty chair next to her. She needed to get some rest. Not that there was much time left for that. She could see the fasten seatbelt light pop up, and shortly after the pilot announced that they were going to land. Despite having flown hundreds of times, she never liked this part. But the descent was smooth, and so was the landing. Unconsciously she let out a soft sigh she had been holding.

With a loud thud, the door opened. The aircraft had finally come to a halt down on the airstrip of the small private airport that was nearly abandoned. A faint glow was coming from the traffic control tower, accompanying the glow that came from the glistening moonlight. It all only added to her gloomy mood. She had to come up with a plan on how to get through this without hurting either of them too much. She wasn't sure how yet, but she needed to clear him, and she needed to do it without The sheer thought of him was enough to send a jolt of pain through her body. But she owed him, she knew that. There had to be an explanation to this situation. The CIA just had to be wrong. But to prove it… She just wanted to get this over with, preferably without seeing him.

She made her way to the exit, made sure to give the pilot a short thanks and before she knew it, there really was no turning back. She breathed in the cool night air. Trying to steady her nerves. There was this constant mantra in her head, warning her of the fact that it just couldn't end well. Not to mention the growing fear in her stomach. Sarah Walker didn't get scared, but now she did. Now all she wanted was to flee.

As In a daze she moved through the airport. She hardly registered a single face that she came in contact with. Before she finally found her way to the driver Graham had pick her up from the station.

"Good evening ma'am" The driver said. His tone flat yet serious. As he held open the door for her.

"Thanks." She muttered. While she gave the man a look over. It was clear the lack of sleep didn't agree with him. And there was something oddly familiar about him. But she couldn't be sure of what it was. There didn't seem to be any indication of recognition on his face. But then again, maybe he'd been too tired.

"I'm sure my employer told you where to go?" She queried, even though she was certain that it wasn't necessary.

"Indeed he has. Not to worry, we'll be there in a jiffy." He replied.

She sighed, _that is exactly what I'm worried about_, she admitted to herself. For every second she got closer, was a second that she couldn't handle. And now that she was here, she had to come up with a plan. A plan that meant, exonerating him, preferably without having to come in contact with him. And more importantly, before someone else would come looking for answers.

X-x-x-x-x

Chuck Bartowski wasn't quite sure what kind of person he was. But one thing he was certain about, was that he wasn't a morning person. Every morning he had the same urge, to pull the plug of his alarm and sleep in some more. Especially since having your own company apparently meant, you weren't entitled to sleep in. He couldn't remember the last time his alarm hadn't gone off at 6. It almost made him miss the buy more, almost.

With a loud groan followed by a deep sigh, he slung his large legs out of the bed. The cold sensation quickly conquering his feet. He dragged himself to the shower, only barely aware of his own existence. Let alone anyone else.

It took him to the moment he was eating his cereal that his mind was finally starting to wake up. Back in his buy more days, he would read the newspaper. Now he spent most of his time during breakfast canvassing his schedule for the day. His secretary, one he had only hired after Ellie's insistence that he couldn't do without one anymore, would make sure it was up to date. And by the looks of things this would be one of those days. A day full of client meetings. He disliked meeting clients, it wasn't why he had started his own company two years ago. But he realized it was part of the job. And he was determined to make it success. Even if it was only because he was determined to show everyone he knew that those years didn't define him anymore.

As he walked over the courtyard to his car he mused on how lately he had been trying to move past his own past. Now that his business had taken off, perhaps one day he would be able to move forward in other areas of his life as well. No doubt it would be something Ellie would bring up at dinner tonight. It was why he had been avoiding her and Devon lately. They had decided that since everything was going so smoothly he now needed to put some of his attention into his private life. But he wasn't ready yet. Not yet. And even though he knew they meant well, he just wasn't ready for their lessons on life.

By the time he had reached his car, he knew, today was definitely not going to be his day.

x-x-x-x-x

She was quietly looking out of the window of the hotel Graham had put her in. The sun was warming up the unexposed parts of her skin as her eyes sought out the small figures walking past. A few young kids on skateboard, a businessman busy on his phone, and a mother and her young child. The last sight somehow had given her an uneasy feeling. And she had some trouble shaking it off. _Keep it together Walker_, she muttered quietly.

She was desperate to go outside. She had been cooped up in this room for most of the morning, and all she could think of was the things she had to do. The fact was, she wasn't ready for this. And sitting in this room only made it worse.

Normally when she was in a place like this for a mission, she'd go out. Perhaps relax on the beach a little. Then go to canvas the area of the building to get the last bit of intel she needed before she had to go in. But there was a chance, a very small one, but still a chance, that people would recognize her.

Resigning herself to do some paperwork, she returned her focus to the idle screen that had been on the small table in the room for the last few hours. Not that much work had been done. After a few minutes, her mind was already wandering again, and she decided that perhaps a small chance was worth the risk.

She grabbed her purse, walked out of her room, and before she knew it, she was outside of the building. It felt like a part of the weight had been lifted. Even if it had only been for a few minutes. This was so much better than sitting in that comfortable, yet boring, hotel room. Perhaps she would go to a small ice cream parlor that she had spotted on her way over here. She was definitely in the mood for some rocky road.

Her mind distracted, she had no idea that sometimes, fate has a way of creeping through the smallest of openings.

X-X-X-X-X

It was his last client meeting of the day. The man across his desk was boring him to tears. Not just because he was the last in a long string of clients, but because this assignment had been going on for quite a long time and he was bored by the project. It didn't help that the client was constantly coming with new demands.

"So what you're asking for, is some extra encryption on the various data?" He asked flatly.

"That's right, Mister Bartowski." The comparatively short bald man named Green answered a little to sweetly. And Chuck resisted the urge to say he could just call him Chuck. He had tried often enough, but this was the only client that wouldn't budge. Perhaps it added to his weariness on this contract, but it was a government gig that he had gotten through his Stanford contacts, with the possibility of more work if they were satisfied.

"Well of course it's possible, but it would take a few weeks to get things straightened out." He answered. He could go into all the details, but there was no need to bother.

"What about the decryption software. Does it match your requirements?" He continued, wanting this to be over.

"It all looks very promising." The other man answered. "Though it is always a matter of seeing it in action before one can really tell with this sort of thing."

"Yes, yes of course" he replied while he momentarily wondered how and when they were going to test this program. It had some odd requirements. When clients wanted such specific things, he would sometimes wish he had gone into the world of game development rather than this.

"When do you think it will be ready?" Green queried eagerly. Chuck caught a small glint in his eyes that made him somewhat uneasy.

"A month, maybe two, depending on how easy it is to squeeze the new requirements in there." He answered carefully. He paused for a moment before continuing "I do think this program will reach its limits with this last addition." He spoke slowly. Even if he could add more, he was quite certain he didn't want to.

The other man eyed him for a second, before he nodded. "Very well, mister Bartowski, we'll be in touch. I'll see myself out."

Before Chuck had a chance to reply, the other man was out of his chair. He barely had time to get up himself and shake his hand, before he saw the figure leave. With a sigh he let himself fall back into the chair. This really was a weird guy, he thought to himself. He wasn't even sure if the guy was named Green. Perhaps it would have been wise to use an alias himself, he mused quietly. Something like Carmichael would have been a nice fit. He shook it off as he was taken out of his thoughts by the familiar female voice filling his office.

"Morgan is here to see you Chuck." She said cheerily. Then again, everything she did was quite cheery.

He couldn't help but grin a little. Morgan was just the distraction he needed. "Thanks Kayla, sent him in."

He saw the door open, which revealed the short bearded man. "Hey buddy. What brings you here." He asked with real enthusiasm. The first he had felt in the last few hours. These meetings really didn't give him any enjoyment.

"Hey Chuck." His longtime friend replied. But by the looks of things something was wrong.

"Morgan?" He started gently. "What's wrong?"

"Don't freak out…" Morgan started cautiously, but he knew Chuck would. This was what they had all feared would happen one day.

x-x-x-x-x

It really was going to be one of those days for Sarah. She had screwed up. She knew it the moment she had noticed herself being followed. This mission had just gotten a lot harder than it needed to be. She should have confronted him, demanded his silence. But she had frozen. The same flight response that had been taking hold of her since Graham had given her this mission was there. She had made a cautious run for it. Enough for him to not follow, not enough for him to notice. Why on earth did she always have to be so restless? She couldn't remember the last time she had felt at peace, since the last time she was happy with Chuck.

For what felt was the first time in weeks, she pulled an old picture from her suitcase. The many creases on it showing the wear and tear on it. Almost without her noticing the first few tears escaped from her eyes.

"I love you Chuck." She whispered so soft that even if he had been standing right next to her he wouldn't have noticed. But it was enough for her. And she knew, for the next few minutes, she would allow herself to indulge in this and the tears to go freely.

x-x-x-x-x

"Wait what…?" He asked in complete shock. He couldn't believe this was happening. Not now, not when he felt some hope he could get past it. "You're telling me, you saw… her?" He continued his voice filled with the pain and conflict he felt. He wanted to see her, he needed to see her. But at the same time he felt it was the last thing he wanted.

Morgan looked at him sadly "I am" He replied sadly. "And I am sorry I did. But it felt wrong not to tell you." He continued apologetically.

He took a moment to process it. "And you're sure it was her?" He questioned. Though he knew there was little chance he was wrong. Morgan wouldn't be here if he wasn't certain.

"How many long legged, blonde, Valkyries do we know?" He said with a pointed look. "So yeah I'm quite sure."

They both sat in silence for a few moments. A whole range of emotions going through Chuck's mind as he sat there pondering what on earth he was going to do about this.

"You're certain it was at this hotel?" He questioned his longtime friend.

Morgan nodded, "You sure you want to do this?" He asked worriedly.

"I'm not." Chuck started hesitantly. The conflict visible on his face. "But I need to do this."

Chuck looked at the time. If he left now, he could make it to the hotel and back home in time for dinner with Ellie and the captain.

He looked at his friend and spoke with only a hint of determination. "I guess now is a good as time as any." And as he spoke, he realized, it was indeed one of those days.


	3. Ch 3: What we secretly want

**A/N: **_Good day fellow Chuck fans. Welcome back to this story. And first off, thank you all for the warm welcome back and the reviews. I have another chapter for you guys. I know, the chapters are somewhat short. But it helps me to keep going, and still keep time for things like writing my thesis. So another chapter. A few of you commented on the AU nature of the story. And I think it's safe to say, it's quite AU. In the course of the story, we will discover the histories of both Chuck and Sarah and them as a couple. It will naturally all be revealed in time, though I won't force it. It needs to feel natural in the story. _

**Disclaimer:**_ Sad to say, I don't own Chuck. _

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><p><strong>Chapter 3: What we secretly want<strong>

It was time and she knew it. Dressed in black pants and a black shirt, she walked to the elevator. There was no hesitation in her movement. Instead she felt a strong determination for what she was going to do tonight. A quick break into his office, get into his computer, take the files she needed to analyze, and get back home. But first she would canvas the area. She had done so through some CCTV camera's she had tapped into, but she always preferred to look around herself.

It didn't take long for the elevator to get up. She was glad for it. Waiting had never been one of her strengths. And she figured that it never would be. On a rare occasion it had made her make rash decisions on a mission. But her training had always come through at the end of the day. It had given her somewhat of a reputation In the intelligence world. Everyone knew of Graham's wild card enforcer. No one knew what she was going to do. It was her strength. It was why she was feared throughout. That and the fact that she'd rather torture a mark for answers than get close to them.

She watched the indicator of the elevator going down. She felt her readiness going up. Her senses were heightened. It was this feeling that made her enjoy this job. She felt that she could handle everything and everyone. Even for a simple mission like this one, there was no way she would leave anything to chance. She'd be ready for everything, and everyone that would get in her way.

By the time she finally made it to ground floor, she was determined and ready to go. But when the doors opened, they revealed the one thing she wasn't ready to face. First she saw the tall lanky figure. Which she had to admit, had gotten more toned in the last few years. That alone made her mouth run dry. Then she saw the brown curls that were still making animal shapes. Shapes that she had loved to play with all those years ago. And she could feel somewhere deep down the urge to run her hands through his hair. Finally she could see his face, it was somewhat flustered, but from what she could make out, there was still such kindness to it.

She was glued into place. It felt like someone had poured concrete into her shoes and then used super glue to put her even more firmly into place. Shock had taken over, and was fighting her desire to go over there and do what exactly? She wondered to herself. Man she wanted to kiss him, hold him, tell him how sorry she was for leaving him. But there were so many reasons not to. Reasons so complex. So she kept standing, waiting, watching, partly hoping he would turn away from the receptionist to meet her eye. In just a few moments, her steely demeanor had vanished, her hands were now clammy, her heart was pounding, and fear had taken over like never before.

After what felt like hours, but was really a few seconds, the doors closed again. Her breathing heavy, her eyes stinging a little, she sought help from the walls to keep herself upright. _What was he doing here? Did he know? _So many questions were running through her head like a large number of runaway freight trains. Her resolve not to see him was wavering. She remembered her father teaching her that life would sometimes give chances that one had to take. Even if her father had been talking about money rather than love, she was starting to think that perhaps this was one of those times.

X-x-x-x-x

"What on earth were you thinking?" Ellie exclaimed, anger and disbelief gripping at every word that she had spoken.

"It's been five years since you've last seen her Chuck. I thought you were trying to get passed this." She continued. He could clearly see her worry on her face. And she was right, he shouldn't have done what he had done. It had been a mistake.

"Look sis, it doesn't matter. She wasn't there. Nothing happened." He tried to defend himself. Even though he was quite sure he didn't believe it himself. Because he was sure he wanted something to happen if she had been there. But the desk clerk had been clear there was no Sarah Walker staying there.

There were only four options for what had happened. First Morgan was wrong and had seen someone that just looked a lot like her. Second he could have been at the wrong hotel. In which case he would never find her anyway. Third, she had already checked out. Fourth, she had checked in under a different name. But he couldn't think of a reason why she would do that. It's not like she was some kind of spy.

Ellie gave him a pointed look. Of course she would see through this. She'd always been able to do it. He glanced over to Devon, who was doing a remarkably good job of focusing on his food.

"Fine" Chuck sighed. "I miss her, okay?" He bit out harsher than he had wanted, and he winced at his own tone. "I look at you and Awesome and I just want that." _With her, _he silently added.

"Chuck…" She started carefully. But he cut her off.

"I know. It won't happen. I know I should get past it. But I can't. I've tried and I've been trying for so long. I'm done pretending El. This is not passing." He spoke. His voice laced with years of pain and disappointment. His breathing heavy from the effort it seemed to take. It felt good to own up to it, though he couldn't imagine it being much of a surprise. "She left without a good reason, without an explanation. I just… I just need to know."

Ellie watched him carefully. Not hiding the full scale of her emotions on her face. He could see she was struggling with this, much like he was. Not that it surprised him. Sarah was definitely in the bottom five on Ellie's list of people she knew.

"Fine Chuck." She started, there was no denying her disappointment. "I understand that you need closure." She continued, pausing a moment as if deciding if she was going to continue or not. When she did, there was no room for a misunderstanding. "Just know, that woman is not welcome in this house." She added with such finality in her voice, it almost took him by surprise.

He knew there was no point in arguing on this with her. After all, it was not that he was ever going to meet her again. But that didn't diminish the tension one bit. The tension was so high, that he got startled when Devon's voice broke the silence.

"You know what you need bro?" He began enthusiastically. _Oh no_ Chuck thought. Here comes one of his brilliant plans that probably involves me getting at least 3 broken limbs. "You need some excitement. Why don't we go wild water rafting next weekend? I tell you, the adrenaline really clears the mind and gets the blood pumping. It's just what you need."

_And there it is. _"No thanks captain Awesome." He replied flatly. "I prefer oxygen in my lungs rather than water."

Awesome looked at him, his smile not faltering for a minute. "I got a few brochures, remind me to give them to you before you leave. Think it over. As a doctor I highly recommend you this treatment." He finished, adding what could only be described as his professional tone at the end.

"Fine. I'll look at them" Chuck huffed. He caught a glimpse at Ellie, but she seemed a million miles away. He wondered for a moment if she was ok. But the look soon disappeared, and she seemed like herself.

The rest of dinner was somewhat uneventful. Though he saw the worry on Ellie's face from time to time. He realized why. He didn't have much in his life to talk about except for work. Of course he'd hang out with Morgan every now and then, but his sister had never really been a fan of Morgan. And he figured that the fact that it was Morgan who had told him about Sarah being in town probably meant that the little bearded man was better off not going anywhere near his sister for the time being.

It wasn't that he didn't understand his sister. He loved her for worrying, she'd always done a good job of that in the past. But he felt that she didn't understand him. Sarah was special. Not just because she had been his only serious girlfriend, but because except for Ellie, Sarah had been the first to really believe in him. He couldn't let go of that. He needed to, but he couldn't.

He filled his lungs with the cool night air. Perhaps, now that dinner was over, he would go back to his office. Work always distracted him. And it beat not being able to sleep all night, because all he could see was the familiar blonde hair and cobalt blue eyes that had been haunting him for the last five years.

x-x-x-x-x

"Damn it" She hissed under her breath. Why did he have to have such a well secured computer. Not even the tools Digital Dave had given her could make a dent into this. Just for a short moment she had hoped that she would get what she wanted. But just as fast as her hope had flared up, it had been quelled.

She allowed herself to sit back for just a moment. She was quite sure that there was no one coming. The one guard that had been walking around the area when she arrived would not wake up for some time to come. What she needed now was a plan to utilize the time she had.

She glanced outside. Everything still seemed clear. She needed to do something. If she couldn't crack his computer, there was only one option left. And it wasn't what she wanted. She took her phone out and dialed a number she hadn't dialed since her mission in Pakistan with Carina.

"Dave." She quickly started. "This damn gadget of yours isn't working."

Silence from the other side. Just a few moments to long. She knew she was in trouble now.

"That's impossible." The other said. "It always works."

"Well it doesn't." She bit out while she rolled her eyes. Why else was she calling him. "Any suggestions?" She continued I an angry tone. The stakes were far too high for her too fail.

"You could sent me the hardware." He replied hesitantly.

"Can't do. Don't want to spook him." She answered. Though in reality it was more than that. She didn't want to take away his livelihood. Even if she was sure that he had several back-ups of everything. All similarly secure, she was sure. He had always been fastidious about that sort of thing. She remembered how he had chastised her for it from time to time. The memory brought a smile to her lips.

"Anything else?" She questioned.

"Well I got one more idea. But I'd have to sent you something. And you'd have to sneak back in." He answered. Obviously sounding intrigued by what was happening. "It will allow me to try to break in manually. Though it remains to be seen if that's possible."

She sighed. "Fine." She started, pausing for a moment while she looked around the office. "Get it to me in the morning. If I don't have it in a day, your ass is mine Dave." With that she clicked away the phone.

She quickly messed around in her bag. Taking out the bugs she had planned to plant. During her talk with Digital Dave she had seen a few excellent spots for planting bugs. It didn't take her long to place them. Feeling satisfied, she was about to go, when she saw that someone pulled up to the parking lot.

"This isn't good." She muttered. This could complicate things. She had to get out of there right in that moment. Perhaps she needed to take something with her. But she couldn't see anything valuable. Other than the pc. Perhaps she could take the secretary's pc with her.

She rushed out of the office. While she did, she heard the key entering the lock. _Crap, crap, crap,_ she thought to herself. Normally she'd pull her gun, or perhaps get ready to knock him out. But what if it was him? There was no way she would be able to hurt him.

The person turned the key. Her hand instinctively went to the iron that was kept at the small of her back. Her breathing heavy, her senses heightened, and her heart pumping adrenaline around her body.

The door swung open. Revealing a tall lanky figure.

"S…Sarah?" The figure breathed, as she stood there frozen. _Crap_ this was exactly what wasn't supposed to happen. But somewhere deep down inside, she couldn't be more happy.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:**_ So there you go. We start with a near miss. And we end with a happy, yet panicked Sarah. I'm quite curious myself how this meeting between them will go. Considering the situation they're in.  
>Anyway, hope you guys enjoyed it, and see you in chapter four. <em>


	4. Ch 4: Here for you

**A/N: **Hey guys. First off, thanks for reading and reviewing. Really awesome to see such response so long after the show ended. It's great to use fanfiction to keep these great characters alive. So here we go, another chapter. I really enjoyed writing this one. Quite a lot in this chapter I think, and it's all Charah. Hope you guys enjoy. I'll respond to some things at the end of the chapter.

**Disclaimer: **Don't own Chuck.

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 4: Here for you<strong>

"S… Sarah." Chuck breathed. She was frozen in place. A wide range of emotions running through her. But the small glimmer of unadultured joy that she was feeling was soon dissipating. This couldn't end well could it?

"Hi Chuck." She answered meekly, while she moved her hand from the metal object that was snugly placed at the small of her back. She couldn't help herself from smirking at herself for the week reply. No this wasn't going to end well. There was no way she could bluff herself out of this one. And she wasn't ready for him to know the truth. She had to come up with a way to get out of this with minimal damage.

She could see his face shifting. The shock had made way for a strange mixture. For a moment his face had been the one that she remembered, soft, kind, gentle, loving. But it turned to a mixture of pain, fear, anger and uncertainty so fast that she almost doubted that she had seen it at all.

"What are you doing here, Sarah?" He started, taking a step towards her while he spoke with a coldness in his voice that she had never heard before. "And how did you get in here?" He continued narrowing his eyes even further as he spoke.

She could feel his suspicion, his anger. His words were laced with them. And she couldn't blame him. If the roles were reversed, she wasn't sure if she would have been able to keep herself so composed.

Her eyes sought his, but diverted as soon as they made contact. He still had the ability to look into her soul. She had felt it, and it had made her heart flutter. Only to be replaced with her racing mind. She had to answer his question, but what lie would get her out of this one? She remembered her father, _The best lies are the ones close to the truth. _She sighed to herself, _I'm sorry my sweet Chuck, you deserve the truth, but I can't, not yet. _

"I was in town, for work." She started, once again trying to keep her eyes on his face. Although careful to avoid direct eye contact, she needed to see his response. "I was worried about you. I remembered that you once told me you love to work in the evening, so I figured why not see if you're here." She finished in the most genuine way she could muster right now. She figured her voice sounded like she cared. And honestly she did. It wasn't far from the truth anyway.

She could see him deflate the tiniest of bits. It was enough to give her hope. Perhaps, once this blasted mission was over, she could really see how he was doing. Once again, his eyes narrowed at her.

"That still doesn't explain how you got in here." He questioned accusingly. She saw a flash of memory run through his head. She knew what memory must have popped up in his head. It was one of those moments she had never forgotten either. She could still remember his warm breath on her skin as she had picked the lock of their first car together. Before she could fully dive into her memory, he took another step towards her. He was almost close enough for her to smell him now. "Did you…" he began, but she quickly interrupted him.

"No!" She nearly exclaimed. Feeling guilty for lying to him. "No I didn't pick the lock." She continued in a softer tone. She could see that he didn't believe her. She needed to sell it. "I came here looking for you. There was a light on, so I tried to open the door. I think someone forgot to lock it or something." She finished with a shrug. _Please believe me_ she thought silently. This wasn't how she had wanted to meet him. Now she really just wanted to get out of this mess and get some sleep.

"I don't believe you." He bit at her. But she knew what he was really saying. He didn't trust her. And he was right not to. It wasn't the first lie that she had told him. And she feared it wouldn't be the last.

"I should call the cops." He said, looking intently at her as he spoke.

She pretended to flinch at his words. Though it did hurt that he didn't trust her, she only had Graham to blame for that.

"Please don't." She pleaded. "I just wanted to see if you were all right. I never meant to hurt you." She hadn't meant to let the final admission slip, but it had happened. Just the thought of how broken he must have been, how his life must have been ruined when she had shattered their dreams. She couldn't help herself as she continued. "I'm so incredibly sorry." She continued, barely managing to contain the tears from breaking from her eyes.

They stared at each other for a few seconds. She could see the pain that she felt reflected on his face. It seemed like there was a war raging through his mind. But no matter what side won, the pain was unmistakable. "Then tell me why." He whispered in a broken voice. "Tell me why you left the day before graduation."

His eyes and his voice broke her heart. His face fell towards the floor. His pain was enough to bring her own head in a state of war. She was desperate to tell him, to come clean there and then. But what if the rapports held some merit? What if he despised her for the things she had done? What could ever be achieved by telling him? There was no way they could go back was there? And even if they did, could he ever trust her?

Her train of thought was interrupted when he spoke. "You know what, forget it." He said dejectedly. "I knew that was too much to ask." He continued almost apologetically. She could barely contain the urge to smack and hug him at the same time, right there and then. "You should go."

His words alone were enough to break the dam of her tears. But his face really pushed her over the edge. She hadn't cried in the last two years but she couldn't hold on any longer. She nodded her head ever so slightly. But it was enough for him to step aside. Before she knew it she was at the door. In a rash decision, she stopped and turned around. Looking at his form, that was still facing the other direction.

"I… I love you Chuck." She choked out. Giving him more of an answer than he probably noticed. She saw him starting to turn. But there was no way that she was going to stay in there for much longer. She needed to go, and she needed to find some place quiet.

X-x-x-x-x

It had been an hour since Sarah had left, and his mind was still spinning of what had happened. He was sitting behind his desk, not feeling up to the drive back home. Seeing her in front of him had brought back all the anger and hurt, which were quick to bury the love he still felt for her. He had half expected something like that would happen. And he was relieved that some of that tension had been given the chance to escape. But this wasn't how he had wanted to meet her. Though he wasn't sure if he could really be picky about it. After all, it had been five years… and she was here, and she still loved him. Or at least she had said she did. But could she really? How can you love someone for five years and not reach out to them?

He ran his hand through his hair. Trying to get his thoughts aligned, to decide what he was going to do now. But every time he kept coming back to the same questions. What was she doing here? What did she want from him? Did she really still love him? Could he ever trust her again? And how had she gotten into his office?

Though he was pretty sure on the answer to the final question. It only brought more questions. What was she doing in his office this late? He let out a sigh, perhaps she had been telling the truth. He didn't know anymore. He allowed himself to think about the memory that had pushed itself to the surface only an hour before.

_There were only a few more months left before graduation. They had agreed, or better, Sarah had insisted that they'd spent some time away from studying. She had felt cooped up for weeks, and was sure that if she didn't get out soon, she'd have a mental break down. It wasn't the first time Chuck had seen her weariness of the way the system works. And like any good boyfriend would do, he had arranged for them to get away. He had called Ellie, asking her for some advice. His sister had been more than happy to help. Though Chuck had a hunch that Ellie was hoping for more than just the picnic that he was planning. Something that he had admitted to her a week ago that he had been thinking about. _

_He had decided to take her to one of the parks they had spent some time before. It was somewhat secluded. Occasionally a jogger or family would come by, but they had never seen someone from Stanford there. It was one of the reasons they loved it. Next to the fact that there were a lot of gardenias in the park. Flowers that had always been Sarah's favorite. _

_So now they were sitting here. Enjoying some well-deserved R&R and each-others company. He couldn't help but feel his heart melt, whenever his eyes met her cobalt blues. He was still surprised from time to time of how much he loved her. He wasn't going to let her go. This was the woman that he was going to spend his life with. He knew it, and he was pretty sure that she knew it too. They had even bought a car together a few weeks ago. Which Morgan reminded him, was almost just as bad as popping the question. _

"_You know, as much as I've loved our time here, I'm glad when it's done." He spoke wishfully. Before he took a bite of one of the sandwiches they had brought with them. Recipe a courtesy of Ellie Bartowski. And although he never be as good as his sister in the kitchen, he was quite pleased with how these turned out._

_She gave him a halfhearted smile. "I know. Me too." She replied, in a tone that would have convinced anyone but him. It wasn't for him to let such a thing slide. Not with her. _

"_Hey, what's wrong? I thought you were done with college?" He questioned worriedly. Looking into her eyes to try to read what was happening behind the cobalt blue curtains. _

"_It's just." She started, but she quickly took a deep breath to seemingly steady herself. "I'm a little scared. Of the uncertainty I mean." She continued. He couldn't help himself as he scooted himself closer to her. He placed one of his hands in hers, slowly brushing his thumb over the palm of it. _

"_I understand. But you have nothing to worry about." He said soothingly. "You're Sarah Walker, the most talented, intelligent and beautiful woman in the world. Only a moron wouldn't hire you." He finished. He could see a small smile on her face. He loved that she allowed herself to open up to him, and that she allowed him to comfort her from time to time. It was such a far cry from the hard exterior she had showed most other people. And like most other times, she reached up to kiss him. Ever so gently, and only for a brief moment. But it was always enough to have his head spinning. _

"_Thank you." She said earnestly as she pulled away, their eyes meeting each other, staying locked for what felt like a life time. Once again he could feel his heart flutter. Perhaps today would have been a good day for a question. _

_He shook of the thought and let a grin appear on his face. "Besides…" He started mischievously. "you could always become my trophy wife. Apparently it's all the rage in silicon valley to have one." He finished barely containing the laugh that was bubbling up. One thing was for sure, Sarah was not the type to be locked away in a home somewhere. They both knew it. _

_He could see her eyes turning to a glare, before she launched at him. First her left hand smacked into his arm. Then her right connected to his chest, and then he saw a light switch on in her head, a mischievous grin on her face. "Prepare to pay for what you did." She stated triumphantly. They both knew she was stronger, though sometimes she'd let him win one. Just for the sake of it. _

_Barely a second later she was making the most of her advantageous position. She started tickling him wherever she could reach him. She had quickly discovered In their relationship that he didn't handle tickling well it all. As demonstrated here, by his squirming. Which only made her laugh. She paused for a moment. "Say you're sorry." She demanded, threatening gleam in her eyes._

"_Never." He answered defiantly. "A software magnate never listens to his trophy wife." He said smugly. Though he knew that there was no chance that he would win this, he couldn't surrender after her first attack. Where would be the fun in that?_

_She quickly resumed her attack. For a fleeting second it seemed as if his squirming would get him free. But there was no escaping her grip. He was going to have to ride out the storm. "Ready to apologize yet?" She said during another break. _

_He was about to reply, when he felt something land on his nose. Oh no, this can't be good, he thought. "Sarah did you feel that?" He questioned. _

_She laughed. "Oh no, you're not getting out of this one that easily." She replied pushing her finger into his chest. "Admit it." She continued sternly. _

_Another few drops started falling. This was not how this day was supposed to go. "Come on, you must have felt that." He stated pleadingly. It really was a good way to get out of this position, and he didn't fancy having to drive back in soaked clothes. _

_Her eyes met his. He could feel her strength. She wasn't going to budge. No surprise, his beloved girlfriend always wanted to win, no matter what. It was one of those things he'd had to get used to at the beginning of their relationship, but didn't want to go without anymore. _

"_Fine." He relented. "I apologize for my desire to take care of you." He continued defiantly. Earning him another glare and attack. _

"_That's not what I meant and you know it." She bit at him. The rain was really starting to pick up now. But it clearly didn't faze her at all. _

_He looked at her, not being able to contain the love he felt for her. "I love you." He stated. She only answered with a pointed look. Not that he'd needed it, he knew she wanted to hear him say it. "I'm sorry for saying you're my trophy wife." He continued, trying to sound sincere, when in truth he was enjoying their moment together. _

_She bend down, and gave him a quick kiss. "Good boy." She said triumphantly. Looking up at the darkening sky she let out a frustrated sigh. "I guess we should go." She stated dejectedly as she got of her boyfriend. _

_He nodded, and they both started packing up the picnic. They were done in a matter of minutes. And before long they were making a run for their car. The rain was coming down so hard that it was making their clothes stick to their bodies. _

_They were just a few yards away from the car, when Chuck froze in place. Causing Sarah to look back concerned. "What's wrong sweetie?" She asked worriedly. _

"_I think I locked the keys in the car." He answered in a shameful tone. "I'm such an idiot." He exclaimed bitterly. _

_The blonde gave him an apologetic look. "It's ok, these things happen. Besides I can fix this." She replied sweetly. _

_Before he knew what was happening, she had taken two pins from her hair, which fell down just a little. And closed the last gap she had to the car. _

_Chuck looked at her with wonder. What on earth was she doing? Surely she didn't think she could pick the lock did she? He moved closer, kneeling down beside her. "You really are picking the lock." He stated in surprise and with a little awe in his voice. Was there something she couldn't do?_

_It didn't take her long to pick the lock. And before long they were well on their way back to Stanford. _

"_Thanks for today." She said softly. "I really needed this."_

_He momentarily looked at her, with his soft brown eyes. "Anything for you honey." He stated earnestly. _

"_I love you." She replied, her voice oddly thick with emotions. She couldn't help give his hand a small squeeze as she did so. _

"_I love you too." He replied, as his mind was already thinking of the things he wanted to come. _

The memory was interrupted by a soft click of the door opening. Revealing a familiar figure, with a worried look. He had almost forgot that he had called Morgan after Sarah had left. He knew he needed to talk to someone. Last time that she had left, he had wallowed in his pain alone and it had cost him years of his life. Now he wasn't going to make the same mistake.

"Hey Chuck." Morgan said, his voice already filled with concern. The bearded man had simply stopped what he was doing to come over.

"Hey buddy, thanks for coming." He replied. And he was grateful. Immensely. Before he was fully aware of what was happening, he started telling his best friend what had happened. Not leaving anything out.

"Wow." Morgan replied. "That's intense. I think you should see her."

Chuck looked at him with doubt. "I don't know buddy. I'm not sure if I can go through it."

"Chuck." Morgan started. "We all love you. We all know you love us. But there has never been anyone like her. Go after her, I'm done with seeing you like this. You even look sad sometimes during Call of Duty nights."

Chuck still didn't look convinced. So Morgan pressed on. "You wanted this for years. Who knows if you get another shot."

Chuck mulled his words. He was right. He couldn't just let her go again. But could he really go after her?

"I don't know where she is." He said dejectedly. The man on the opposite side of the desk didn't seem convinced at all, and his look reflected it. It was clear Morgan wouldn't relent till he went and fought for her.

"Yes you do." He stated with conviction. "You know her. You know where she'll go when she's upset."

He let the words sink in. His friend was right, he did know Sarah. Or at least he thought he did. He never expected her to show up her out of the blue either. But if she still was _his_ Sarah there was only one place she could be right now. It was a place that had always been special for them whenever they would visit Devon and Ellie they would at the very least go there for half an hour. Sometimes she'd even go there alone. It was worth a shot.

"I have to go." He stated, and for the second time in less than 24hours he left Morgan in his wake.

x-x-x-x-x

The rhythmic sound of the ocean was having no trouble finding the way to her ears. The rhythm helped her find some calm in the turmoil that was rampaging through her head. The wind calmly took hold of her blonde locks, carefully taking hold and letting go, as her eyes enjoyed the reflection of the moonlight on the water. The cool of the night sky felt as a comforting contrast to how hot she felt. Not just for her skin, but also for her eyes, that were still stinging after all the tears that she had shed in the last hours.

Still she was glad she had come to this place. No matter how she felt, she could always find something for her here. Just for that, this was her favorite place in LA. It was also one of the few places in her memory that hadn't been tainted by the spy game. Though she feared that could change. After all, perhaps it wasn't the best idea to come out here. If he'd come looking for her, he'd go here. She knew it. And somewhere she was hoping for it. Especially after she had admitted that she still loved him.

But that was almost an hour and a half ago. She wasn't sure what was going through his mind. If he still loved her or that he was just extremely angry and distrusting of her. If he was considering coming over here. The last definitely still being an option. He'd always needed a little nudge, from her, or Ellie. It was why she'd been surprised when she had seen him pop up in some magazine as one of the future software moguls. She'd always been worried he'd never get past her leaving. Though she figured, Ellie must have pushed him enough.

She let out a ragged breath. Her body was still in overdrive after what had happened. She was barely containing more tears from spilling, her breathing was heavy, her heart felt shattered. Only he could safe her now. She trusted upon him to safe her. The mission was far, far away from her mind. She needed _her_ Chuck.

Then it happened. She heard someone coming up behind her in the sand. Somehow it sounded familiar and despite her training she stayed in place. Not wanting to spook him. She felt him come closer. Relieve was washing over her. He had remembered this place. And he had come. Perhaps he hadn't given up on her, them, after all. It caused her tension to rise. Till his rich voice, the one she loved, broke the silence.

"This seat taken?" He questioned. And she felt surprise at the lightness in his tone. Just like she couldn't help the smile that came over her. Maybe he remembered more than just the place then.

"Well I was saving it for someone." She said, looking up into his brown eyes. "but I suppose you can sit here in the meantime." She finished with a small smile.

He lowered himself down into the sand. And joined her in silence. Both looking into the distance. Both clearly unsure on how to start this conversation they were both more than desperate to have. At the same time she felt her curiosity rising.

"You remember the first time we were here?" She questioned him, not just wondering, but also wanting to break the ever increasing tension.

He looked at her with such intensity that he had to look away. "Of course." He said with a soft yet steadfast voice. It caught her off guard. It meant he had come her on a mission. She felt her worry return. "I always think of you when I'm nearby."

She nodded. Of course he did. It was no surprise that he did. After all, the night had been a special moment for them.

_She was not ashamed to admit it, but it had become too much for her to handle. Chuck had taken her to Burbank to meet his, rather enthusiastic sister. As sweet as it was, she had been dreading the prospect for the last week. Not just because it meant that things were getting really serious. She had enough angst when it was just about that. No going to Ellie was about things she had so little experience with. Family. Ellie was immensely important for Chuck and so she was supposed to be important to her. She just felt the immense weight of having to live a family life. She wasn't sure she could give him that. But she wanted to try, for him. _

_It had been everything she had been dreading. The first few hours went fine. She and Ellie had gotten along well enough. Which she admitted probably had something to do with the brunette's love for her brother and her enthusiasm for meeting the girlfriend she had hoped he'd meet at Stanford, just like she herself had met Devon, or Captain Awesome as Chuck consistently called him. And she had loved seeing Ellie and Chuck interact and the similarities between the siblings. Things had started going south during dinner. She had started feeling overwhelmed. After dinner she had excused herself and gone for a walk, and somehow she had ended up here on the beach. A place that mesmerized her. _

_She soaked in the surrounding, letting it calm her. She wondered what Chuck was thinking. Hoping he wasn't too disappointed in her. They hadn't talked much about her anxiety, or her family for that matter. It still felt so foreign to talk to someone. Especially since her dad… heck even with her dad. _

_Her thoughts were broken by a familiar calming voice. She felt her heart flutter, him coming here and finding her, it was enough to make her desire to be with him grow. "This seat taken?" He questioned softly. Making her look up to him, only to see his worried eyes and a small smile on his face. _

"_Well I was saving it for someone." She said, looking up into his brown eyes. "but I suppose you can sit here in the meantime." She finished, giving him a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes. Which she was sure he noticed, just like he noticed every little thing about her. _

_Groaning a little, he lowered himself to the sand next to her. Sitting close enough to her for their arms to brush each other. Only that small touch gave her some more peace. For a fleeting moment he put his arm around her, and gave her a peck on the top of her head. Only to return back to his former position, causing her to miss the feel of his arm around her. _

"_You okay?" He questioned. His voice obese with the worry that he felt for her. Once again causing her heart to melt. She could trust him, she knew it. Perhaps, he deserved her complete honesty. _

"_Yeah." She breathed. "It was just a little overwhelming." She added, hoping he'd question her. She needed a nudge, she wanted it. So she sought out his eyes, finding it, she tried to will him to talk. _

"_I know Ellie can be a bit… enthusiastic about these things sometimes." He said apologetically. "I'm sure it will be easier tomorrow."_

_She kept her eyes at him as he spoke. But her face didn't change after he had finished. On most girls this might have been enough to appease them. But for her, it didn't change much of her insecurities. Still she nodded ever so slightly. It did nothing to appease him and she could see the questions forming on his face. _

"_What makes this so difficult for you Sarah?" He asked softly. _

_She took a deep breath. It was time to come clean. She knew it, she just didn't want to scare him off. But somehow, she knew it wouldn't happen. Not with him, his loyalty was without question. So she started, talking about how her parents had divorced, the "adventures" with her dad and all things that encompassed. The only thing she didn't mention was Graham, and the offer she should have refused. Even if it had brought her to him. She was still trying to find a way to get out of that deal. _

_When she finished, she could see his loving eyes burn into her. "Thank you for telling me." He said with such sincerity and love that, for what felt like the millionth time that day, she felt her heart melt and she could feel herself falling more for her sweet Chuck. "I am so proud of you."_

_She looked at him in surprise. "Why?" She exclaimed. "I'm a criminal Chuck."_

"_No you're not." He said firmly. "you're a victim of your father. And you turned everything around. That takes courage, and strength. And I couldn't be more proud. Or more in love with you right now." He finished with such intensity that it made her throat dry. It was the first time either of them had said the l word, both had been damaged in the past, it wasn't easy for either of them. Though they had both known. _

_She could feel the tears stinging in her eyes. Her words nearly sticking in her throat. "I love you" She choked. Quickly throwing her arms around him, and kissing him feverishly while the tears started to spill. _

"That memory has gotten me through these last few years." She admitted quietly as she looked at the sand. It was a memory of hope for her.

She could feel the turmoil that was going on inside of him. He was looking for what to say, she knew it. She wondered if he'd go for the prize right away.

"I don't understand Sarah. If that memory is so important to you, then why did you leave? And why are you here?" He spoke with a slight tremor in his voice. She could feel his pain and anger was coming back. She needed to defuse the situation. But not even defusing a bomb was so terrifying as this.

"I'm scared Chuck." She admitted quietly. Keeping her eyes on the sand in front of her. She didn't dare look up. She was afraid those brown eyes would only cause her heart to break even more.

"Why?" He questioned in a slightly harsh tone. Causing her to wince a little. She wanted to try to open up to him. But his demeanor only added to her fears. Her instincts were screaming at her to go, not to mention that if this went south they would both be in a world of trouble with the CIA. But she didn't want to talk to him as a spy. She wanted to talk to him as _his_ girl.

"I'll tell you." She started hesitantly. "But you need to promise me. You need to promise that this isn't the end for us. That at the very least you'll meet me again, after everything has sunk in." She nearly begged him. It was a lot to ask, but she couldn't bare this being the last time that she could see him. She could see the hesitation in his eyes. So she pushed on. "Please?" She begged him.

He relented, running his hand through his hair as he let out a breath. "Okay. I promise. But you need to be honest with me. No lies." He finally replied. His last words stung, he really didn't trust her anymore. Such a far cry from years ago.

She steadied herself again. This was harder than it had been when she imagined this conversation. She figured she never really expected to have it.

"I'm a spy." She finally spoke, so quietly that she was afraid he hadn't heard. Somehow she felt a wave of relief wash over her. This was so long overdue. "with the CIA." She added as an after-thought somehow thinking it mattered.

She could see the shock on his face. "Wait, what? You're a spy? I don't understand, how did they recruit you? When? Is that the reason that you left? Why didn't you tell me?" He fired off questions in such quick succession that it almost made her head spin.

"Please don't freak out." She pleaded, though she knew it was a lot to take in. "I need you to stay calm for me, can you do that?"

He nodded, but she wasn't so sure about it. So she decided to do what she was probably the wisest course of action. Talk, tell him the whole story, starting with the part she left out all those years ago.

"I'm sure you remember me telling you about my dad." She started cautiously, she saw him nod which she interpreted as a sign to continue. "The CIA recruited me the moment they arrested him. I was 17, still in high school. Probably the youngest recruit they ever had for a field agent." She could see the shock growing on his face as she spoke. "I didn't feel like I had much of a choice in the matter. So I agreed. And so started my life in the agency. Though they insisted I'd get an education. I never wanted to. First they wanted to send me to Harvard, but my dad and I had done a few cons there. There was too much of a risk, so I ended up at Stanford, and I met you." She continued, she gave him a sad smile at the thought of their meeting.

"At first it just felt like another con, just pretend to be a normal girl, get through classes and do what I was supposed to do. But you changed that. You made me believe that I was a regular girl, hopelessly In love with her boyfriend who she was desperate to have a future with. And I suppressed the fact that the CIA was going to come calling after." She took a deep breath. Her voice was starting to falter and there were a few tears starting to escape her eyes. Noticing her trouble, Chuck despite his darkened demeanor gave her hand a small squeeze. Encouraging her to continue. She realized, they both needed this. And he was purposefully being quiet. Something he rarely did.

"For a while I tried to get out of it." She stated dejectedly. "I even called a lawyer. But there wasn't much they could do. Graham, my boss, had only let me sign the contract at 18. I felt stuck. In the last few months before graduation, I found someone that could help me. Somehow, Graham found out, and he threatened to drag you into the CIA, if I didn't do as he said." Her voice had fully cracked, she wasn't sure if she could continue. She wiped furiously at her eyes. "He.. he ordered me to leave you Chuck." She choked.

She could see the gears turning in his head. His face contorted with the pain he felt. He still found time to brush one of the tears away with his thumb. She relished to sweetness of the gesture. It gave her a small glimmer of hope.

"Wow…" He finally breathed. The shock apparent in his voice. "I can't believe you had to go through all of that alone." He admitted. She could see he was genuine. "I just don't understand. Why didn't you tell me? You let me hope for something, for _us_, when you knew this could happen. That's what is hurting me right now Sarah. You didn't trust me with this" He continued with a thick voice. "And if I'm honest it makes me kind of angry. And doesn't explain why you're here now. Did you leave the CIA?"

She looked at him, but he was staring at the sea. She understood that he was hurt. But he hadn't stormed off, as she had feared. He was still here talking. It gave her hope. But there was still a hurdle to take. She was here for him, but for her job. But seeing him had changed her focus. After what she had told him, she wouldn't blame him if he didn't believe her. But she had to tell him.

"Chuck." She began, trying to put everything she felt in his name. "I'm here for you."

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** So I know, I suck, another cliffhanger. But it felt like a good place to end the chapter. We'll dive more into their relationship in the next chapters. Not to mention, we'll see more flashbacks during the story. Personally I like the contrast and similarities between the various parts.

As for a few things that were mentioned in the reviews. So ok, I admit, this story is a pretty much AU story. But not completely. As you see, some things are still the same. Like Sarah's back story with her dad and Frost and Orion leaving(though I'm not sure if I'm going to touch that one yet.) Someone mentioned Bryce. And as of yet, I have no plans to include Bryce in this one. Things could change of course, but I never really liked the way Bryce is used in a lot of fanfiction. A lot of people use him to try and seduce Sarah and cause friction. I don't personally enjoy that sort of thing, because I think there is more to love and loyalty than, I'm not going to screw this guy that is totally your nemesis. On top of that, I find that Bryce is often portrayed very flat in that sense. I think there is more to him than just being the douche. All be it, he is not as great a spy as he thinks he is. But so much for my little rant.

I really hope you enjoyed this one. The next update will be a bit slower, because I really need to invest some time in my thesis the next few days. But I'll see you guys soon.


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